Meat

by emily breeds

After starving myself card-thin

the cravings begin

I love cows -

their big doleful eyes

and wet noses - I love the flesh

of them want it oily and pink

and swirling over the plate

I want it drowned in sauce

want to feel the knife

skittering between layers

of fat

I understand the mental gymnastics

between carnism and cuteness:

I deal in contradiction

I relish in how wrong it is

People ask me

how is the vegetarianism going

are you still kosher

and I laugh

I am done being the nice Jewish

girl who refuses to eat pork

I want the jaw ache of it

the long minutes of chewing

I want salt I want fat

I want to swallow a piglet whole

I want my stomach

and oesophagus stretched

I want heartburn and stomach ache

I want filth and flesh

When the guilt drains away

like a slow tide

what else can replace it

but blood?