Foot-to-Bald Connection

by bela davidson

Does your foot hurt?

if NO, go to 0. if YES, go to 1.

0: Are you sure?

if YES, go to 0.1. if NO, go to 1.

0.1: Are you positive?

if YES, go to 0. if NO, go to 1.

0.2: Are you sure?

if YES, go to 0.3. if NO, go to 1.3.

0.3: Are you positive?

if YES, go to 0.2. if NO, go to 1.3.

0.4: Are you really sure?

if YES, go to 0.5. if NO, go to 1.8.

0.5: Are you positive?

if YES, go to 0.4. if NO, go to 1.8.

1: How long has it been hurting?

if >1 WEEK, go to 1.1. if <1 WEEK, go to 0.

1.1: Has it ever hurt like this before?

if YES, go to 1.2. if NO, go to 1.3.

1.2: So, you have a reasonable explanation for why it’s hurting?

if YES, go to 1.4. if NO, go to 1.3.

1.3: But does the hurt remind you of anything?

if YES, go to 1.5. if NO, go to 0.2.

1.4: Can you be 100% positive of the explanation?

if YES, go to 0.2. if NO, go to 1.3.

1.5: Why does it remind you of cancer?

if BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY TO TELL THAT

IT’S NOT CANCER. go to 1.6.

if I DON’T KNOW BUT I’M GETTING SCARED. go

to 1.6.

1.6: So what are you going to do about it?

if GO TO A&E, go to 1.8.

if NOTHING, JUST STEW INSIDE MYSELF, go to 1.7.

1.7: What if this is your only chance to catch it before it’s too late?

if ALRIGHT, YOU’VE CONVINCED ME. I’LL GO TO A&E,

go to 1.8.

if I’M SURE THAT’S NOT THE CASE. go to 0.4.

1.8: What if it is already too late, and A&E can’t help you?

if MY LIFE HAS JUST STARTED. go to 1.9

if MY LIFE HAS LITERALLY JUST STARTED. go to

1.9.

1.9: What I mean is, are you prepared to do it all again?

if NO, go to 2.0

if DEPENDS HOW WE ARE GONNA START, go to 2.0

2.0: It will start with being bald.

if OH, GOD NOT THAT, go to 2.1.

2.1: Why does that upset you so much? It’s just hair.

if YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, go to 2.2.

if HAIR IS EVERYTHING, go to 2.2.

2.2: Hair is everything?

if HAIR IS EVERYTHING, start mourning now.

if HAIR IS EVERYTHING, start mourning now.